To Kiss An Idol

“Do you think I have an inferiority complex?” asked Young-Chul.

“Why do you think that?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Because when Ritti sends me positive messages, I feel good. They boost my confidence,” replied Young-Chul.

“Positive reinforcement and positive affirmations are a great tactic to boost confidence. They make people feel good about themselves. It does not in any way mean that you have an inferiority complex. Tell me this, if your seniors say that your work is not good, do you stop working on that?” asked Hei-Ran.

Young-Chul tilted his head and said, “no, rather the opposite. If I believe in my work, I fight for it. I ask them what is missing, and I make my work the best and present it to them again.”

Hei-Ran who was trying hard not to show any emotions faintly smiled at him. “There you go. You have the answer.” Young-Chul kept looking at her. “Okay tell me what do you think of your group?”

“What is there to tell they are my brothers, my friends, my family,” replied Young-Chul.

“So, you spend a lot of time with them?” asked Hei-Ran.

.....

“We live together so 24×7,” replied Young-Chul.

“And how much time do you spend with them?” asked Hei-Ran.

“What? I just told you we live together so I am with them all day long,” answered Young-Chul.

“No, Man Young-Chul, how much time do you SPEND with them?” Hei-Ran asked again.

“Oh! I don’t know,” he kept fiddling with his fingers. “I mostly keep to my room or work in the kitchen with Korain hyung.”

“So, one can say that you are closest to him?” asked Hei-Ran.

“I guess so,” Young-Chul was unable to look Hei-Ran in the eyes.

“What do you talk to him?”

“I don’t know. About our work, about our music.”

“Nothing else?”

“Sometimes… about my family… my siblings… his family… his siblings…”

“Who talks more, Man Young-Chul?”

“That would be Korain Hyung,” replied Young-Chul.

Hei-Ran smiled at him and said, “okay, you are not so talkative with your group members. What about Ritti?”

“What about her?”

“Do you talk to her?” asked Hei-Ran.

“No, we just message each other. Well, mostly she does. Once she threw a bit fit that I never used to reply to her and after that, I started replying to her,” replied Young-Chul.

“Why?”

“I don’t know. The day she didn’t send me a message I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, couldn’t think. It was like I was stuck to my phone waiting for her message,” said Young-Chul.

“Don’t you think that’s manipulative?”

“Well, she was angry at first but then she told me that if I don’t want to reply to her or if I feel like she was forcing me, I must not reply to her, and she would be okay with that.”

“And how you felt after hearing that?”

“I felt like she understood me that I was not okay after she pressured me or got angry at me. It felt like she understood what it would feel if someone pressured anyone to message or call. It was clear that she didn’t want me to do things I was not comfortable doing,” replied Young-Chul.

“Okay, so are you comfortable now to reply to her?”

“Last night I replied to her for the first time,” said Young-Chul.

“Why the sudden change?”

“One night she didn’t send me a message. We tried calling her, but the call couldn’t go through. I had this feeling that my heart was about to burst out of my chest, like something was missing. I rushed to her house only to find that she lost her phone. When I saw her fine, I finally could breathe,” replied Young-Chul.

“So, she is becoming someone important in your life?” asked Hei-Ran.

“You can say that. She helped us without asking anything for it.”

“Do people mostly ask for things for helping you?”

“Mostly. Everyone wants to be friends with us for some kind of profit, financial or social, but she fought with people for us. She saved us from a scandal,” replied Young-Chul.

“So, you feel obliged to be friends with her?”

“No, we were already friends with her before she helped us.”

“Who initiated the friendship?”

“We did,” replied Young-Chul, proudly. “We wronged her but then we corrected our mistake.”

“Okay, Man Young-Chul, our time is up for today. But before we leave our session, I would like to give you some homework,” said Hei-Ran.

“Homework?”

“You said you are closest to Korain, right?”

“Yes.”

“And you are not comfortable saying things about yourself?”

“Right.”

“Then I want you to write him a letter telling something you think must know but you have never told anyone,” ordered Hei-Ran.

“What?”

“Yes, and next session, bring him and the letter. I think we have a session tomorrow,” she said while looking through her calendar.

“But doctor…” protested Young-Chul.

“Man Young-Chul! You need to work on yourself. You think people won’t be interested in you, that’s why you hide about yourself from them. And I want to know what you feel, how you feel while telling things about yourself to others,” explained Hei-Ran.

“I… I don’t know, doctor,” said Young-Chul.

“Just try. I will see you tomorrow,” said Hei-Ran.

Nivritti under the influence of the medicine slept all morning. Jae-Hwa wanted to call her, but she saw that Nivritti needed rest. When Nivritti woke up, it was almost 4 in the evening. Her eyes were still heavy due to medication. She groaned and stretched her neck in every direction.

She knew she still had hours before she had to reach the hospital. She placed her feet on the ground. To her surprise, the pain was much less compared to the morning. Yawning she got up from the bed and went to the kitchen. Her stomach was rumbling due to hunger. She had leftover fried chicken and kimchi to eat.

She placed the rice to cook while the chicken heated in the microwave. Within 20 minutes her food was ready. She gobbled the food up as she was famished. Even after eating all the food and resting up for a whole day, she was feeling uneasy. Since morning she was feeling extremely uncomfortable and slightly hot.

She thought it was due to her injury and not sleeping properly. Moreover, last night was slightly emotional and scary. But now her toe was feeling almost okay, her pain was less, then why was she feeling this way? There was no pain anywhere, but something was happening to her, she just could not put a finger on it.

She somehow cleaned her plates and sat on the couch. She thought of reading a few scripts, but her brain was not ready to work. She placed a cushion under her head and rested for a few more hours. When the time came, she got ready and called a cab. Finally, she reached the hospital.

Even though the AC in the car was on, she was sweating all over. She thought it was due to the pain medication but that had never happened before. She didn’t want to call Jae-Geun and inform him that she was there because then she would get angry at him for contributing for her phone.

But she needed a doctor. True that she was going to see a doctor, but her doctor was presently in a session with Young-Chul. So, she decided to call Jae-Geun. She paid for the cab and got out of the car. While moving towards the therapist’s office she called Jae-Geun and asked him to meet up with her outside Hei-Ran’s office.

“Is everything alright?” he asked after he heard her request.

“I don’t know, I am not feeling okay. Could you check my leg again?” requested Nivritti.

“Okay, I will meet you up there. Maybe you need an X-ray,” said Jae-Geun.

“Thank you.” Nivritti disconnected the call and moved into a lift. She was alone in the lift waiting to reach her destination when it felt like someone punched her in her stomach. “Woah!” she stopped breathing for a second.

Her legs were about to give in. “What is happening?” she cried and closed her eyes in pain. The lift opened and she walked out clenching her stomach.

“Ritti!” shouted Jeong-Eun the moment he saw her. Kyung-Soo and Jeong-Eun were waiting outside Hei-Ran’s office for Young-Chul. “Woah! She does not look good,” he commented.

“Ritti? Are you okay?” asked Kyung-Soo and ran towards her.

“Ritti!!” shouted Jae-Geun from behind and he too ran towards her.

Before Jae-Geun could approach her, Kyung-Soo reached near her and held her shoulders. “Are you okay?”

“Ahh…” she cried.

“Ritti!” Jae-Geun reached near her.

“Please help her. She is in pain,” shouted Kyung-Soo.

“What is it? Your foot?” asked Jae-Geun.

“No, my stomach,” replied Nivritti.

Jae-Geun smiled at her and said, “you know what that is. I can’t really help you with that.” And he pointed at her stomach.

“What are you talking about? She is in pain, you are a doctor,” scolded Kyung-Soo.

But Nivritti closed her eyes and murmured, “oh shit!”

.....

“What? What?” asked Kyung-Soo.