加勒比一木道

Chapter 43 - Invincible opener

Making vast changes to one’s looks was very challenging. Just ask Caitlyn Jenner...

In fact, compared to all the other stats, looks was the hardest to increase. Without magical interference or extensive surgery, you could say it had a hard cap. Charisma, seduction skills, knowledge, or any of the others could increase with time and effort, but looks?

Even going to the gym only improved your body. There was still height, face, and other features that mattered. Looks was the most important stat for dating, but it was also the most difficult to improve. That would remain the case until someone invented dumbbells for the face...

Yet, Ben found a way to increase his looks, even without a treadmill for his forehead...

In truth, Ben hadn’t picked some low hanging fruits. Choosing a suitable haircut and stylish clothes were things most people achieved by his age. He failed to do so until now for two reasons.

First, he discriminated against barbers...

Second, he was busy 360 no-scoping noobs...

It was only because of the threat of death, but the boy turned into a man. Everyone has a time where they need to put down childish things, where an xbox turns into a s.e.xbox...

For Ben, that time was now. Well, not now, but soon. He still stood in the middle of the sidewalk, so excited he was swinging his shopping bags around like a lunatic...

In Ben’s senses, he filtered the cursing of passing pedestrians as praise and applause! He was soaring!

A 6 in looks wasn’t anything special, but he crossed the line into the top half of the population. With slow steady steps, he was advancing. Ben believed that as long as a person kept moving forward, and didn’t quit, one day they’d hit a tipping point, and everything would change.

After one last swing where he almost clotheslined a bike messenger, Ben took a deep breath and calmed down.

The boost in looks helped, but he still had a daunting task ahead of him. He stood at the edge of the grand canyon, and unless he wanted to die, before 7 days expired, he’d have to get a running start...and f*ck that canyon...

Ben discovered another interesting point. ’It seems some real world items have hidden stats. I guess that makes sense. If someone drove a Lamborghini, it would raise their social status without a doubt. Though many of the system items are special because they have unnatural bonuses or magical properties.’

"Yo, you done?" Antonio put down his camera once the show was over.

"What were you doing?" Ben asked.

"Oh, when you went full Zoolander, I started filming. You know...for memories."

Ben didn’t think much of it. "Whatever. I’ll drop this off and then we’ll roll to the bars?"

"Lit. Same spot?"

"...Nah, let’s go somewhere new." There were things about the system Ben wanted to confirm and he’d need to go to a new bar for that.

The two returned to Ben’s dorm, where he went upstairs to drop off his bags, while Antonio waited in the lobby. It wasn’t until much later that Ben learned a certain video found its way to social media. The title was "Shlomo’s Shopping Spree."

It showed a young man leaving a store into a crowded street then swinging his bags around like a chicken on bath salts...

It was minutes long...

Ben said he would flutter his wings and he accomplished his goal!

That would’ve been the end, except the store brand picked it up and forwarded it on all its social media, with the slogan "Bird mode! Clothes that fit so well, they’ll make you aerodynamic!"

#Birdmode reached trending...

A Birdmode challenge hit Instagram and TikTok...

That’s how a new brand icon was born. Viewers made immediate comparisons to historical legends...Jared from Subway...Bill Cosby from jello...Ben was among the greats!

He was reaching the edge of becoming an E-list celebrity and no one knew his real name!

***

"Dirty Bourbon." That was the name of the bar Ben and Antonio were on line for now. Ben gazed at the ground during the entire wait, his mind spinning with conjectures.

"ID?" the bouncer asked, snapping Ben back into reality.

Ben handed him the trusty Benny BeVito ID. It worked without fail, and Ben stepped inside to verify his hypothesis.

*Unz* *Unz* Unz* Unz*

The music washed over him like a Jersey Jagerbomb...but he ignored it because he was waiting for something. He looked around. He stepped further inside. Nothing.

"What’s wrong with you?" Antonio asked.

Ben blinked and shook his head. "Nothing...let’s go to the bar." But there was something wrong. ’Why didn’t I get a dungeon alert?’ Ben had guessed that when he entered a bar for the first time last night, it unlocked a dungeon system that would work at other bars too. Now he knew that wasn’t the case. ’So there is something special about Domina? What is it?’ Pondering with intensity, he leaned into the bar, staring into the wall with a burning glare.

The bartender looked at him, following Ben’s gaze to the hard liquor shelves. ’Another raging alcoholic...’ He shook his head.

After a minute, Ben sighed. ’I don’t know. It must be the S&M theme, or another troll from the system’s dungeon. Forget it.’ Out of nowhere, a beer bottle slid in front of Ben’s face.

He turned to the direction it came from to see Antonio sipping a beer, and then tipping it to him.

Ben was silent for a few moments. "I’ve only tried wine on a few occasions during holidays with family..."

Antonio smiled. "Alcohol is a social lubricant. Haven’t you ever heard that? One or two drinks is good to loosen up. Though, you gotta be careful. Drown in it and the downside becomes much worse than the upside. Tell me if you ain’t feelin’ well. Don’t drink too much! Got it?"

Ben nodded, picked up the beer, had a sip, and raising his eyebrows. It was an interesting taste. He smiled back at Antonio and they clinked bottles for a cheers. "I won’t!"

***

"He drank too much..." Antonio shook his head.

They were outside in the street now. Ben was pointing and yelling his new drunken openers at random women.

"I’m gonna f*ck YOU! ...I’m gonna f*ck YOU! ...I’m gonna f*ck YOU! ...Nah you good. ...And I’m DEFINITELY gonna f*ck you!"

"He only drank two beers..."

Antonio didn’t understand how he could be such a lightweight. They were outside now because security kicked Ben out after an incident.

There was a woman at the bar. If Antonio had to rate her, he’d give her about a 4. After 1 beer, Ben approached her and said, "I’ve had quite a bit to drink, and you’re starting to look pretty damn good..."

It didn’t work.

After 2 beers, Ben came up with what he deemed an "Invincible opener." He approached her again. On this occasion, he put his hand right into her drink glass, scooped out everything inside, and smashed it on the ground!

"What are you doing?!?" she yelled.

"Breaking the ice..."

...

He slurred, "Name’s Ben...Wanna go halves on a bastard?"

***

Security didn’t get the joke either, so now they were outside.

’Oh, sh*t. What’s he doing now?’ Antonio watched as the bouncer out front shouted at Ben to leave. Ben walked up to him with a wronged expression as if he was going to plead his case.

As Antonio prepared to pull him away, his eyes went wide. ’Did he just nut-tap the bouncer?!? ...And now Ben’s runnin’ over here...and now the bouncer’s runnin’ over here!"

"Fly, you fool!" Ben screamed.