To Kiss An Idol

“Hey! I have more friends!” protested Nivritti.

“See denial,” commented Hei-Ran.

“I am not lying. I have more friends,” pouted Nivritti.

“Name them!”

“Members of ASD. They are my friends,” replied Nivritti.

“Oh really!?” Hei-Ran crossed her arms over her chest.

“Yes!”

“Do you guys talk often?” asked Hei-Ran.

.....

“Yes, every day. In fact, this injury happened when they were in my house,” said Nivritti, raised her leg and showed her injury to Hei-Ran.

“And they will say the same if I ask them?” asked Hei-Ran. She knew that Nivritti was telling the truth. Just now, Young-Chul had completed his session talking all about Nivritti. But she could not ask her about him. She could not tell her what she talked with Young-Chul that would mean breaking confidentiality.

“I hope so,” replied Nivritti.

“Okay, what do you do on your days off?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Hmm… mostly stay at home but I have not been in Korea for long. I have been to shopping, movies,” replied Nivritti.

“And what did you do when you were in India?”

“Mostly stay at home.”

“You were afraid he might find you or you would come across him,” suggested Hei-Ran.

“I don’t know, maybe.”

“Fine, then tell me this. When you went outside for shopping or to movies, who did you go out with?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Um… Jae-siblings!” replied Nivritti.

“Not ASD?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Well, they can’t roam around like us common people. If they do, it would be chaos on the streets,” replied Nivritti.

“Okay, so did you ask them to go with you or did they initiate it?”

“Let me tell you, shopping was my idea,” said Nivritti proudly.

“Did you make this plan on phone or…?” asked Hei-Ran.

“No… they were in my house,” replied Nivritti skeptically. She knew what Hei-Ran was going to say. “Before you say anything, no, I didn’t invite them to my house. They just came to my house unannounced, the whole family.”

“Oh! So, this was after you protected Jaehwa?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Yes.”

“And how did you feel when they barged in?”

“Awkward as I didn’t know them at that time. I had only had interactions with Jae.”

“If you didn’t know them that well, then why did you protect Jaehwa?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Because she needed help,” replied Nivritti, obviously.

“So, if anyone would have been in her position you would have helped them?” asked Hei-Ran.

“I like to think so,” said Nivritti.

“But then you again fought for her with your whole department,” said Hei-Ran.

“Who told you that?” asked Nivritti, shocked.

“I do my homework,” smiled Hei-Ran.

“SJ, I mean Jae-Geun told you.”

“I am not naming any sources,” joked Hei-Ran.

Nivritti too smiled, “well, yes, I took her side when everyone started pointing fingers at her. You see I sent her back to the office with Jung-Hwa’s bodyguards and all started speculating that she was having an affair with him. A big stupid gossip started, and I tried to nip it in the bud.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean, why?”

“Why did you help her? Do you see yourself in her? She being teased for being a nepokid, fairly new in that department, maybe you bonded with her because you see yourself in her. A new kid around the block, no one really talks to, you trying to fit in?” asked Hei-Ran.

Nivritti smiled at Hei-Ran’s analysis. “Doc! You are way off on your analysis.”

“Please enlighten!!” smiled Hei-Ran.

“I didn’t bond with her first. She was the one who talked to me first and stood up for me first against our department. It was years since someone stood up for me. My family have been by my side, and they have been taking a stand for me, but never a stranger and Jae did that for me, just like my little sister. After my depression episode, Apeksha, my younger sister, has been constantly taking a stand for me. She has been in many fights that I had to resolve but she never stopped fighting for me and that day I saw Apeksha in Jae. So, I do not see myself in Jae…”

“…You see your sister,” Hei-Ran completed Nivritti’s sentence for her.

“Yes.”

“So, you are grateful to her for taking a stand for you?” asked Hei-Ran.

“I will always be grateful to Jae and ASD,” said Nivritti. She realised that let a piece of information slip out of her tongue and Hei-Ran caught it.

“ASD?”

Nivritti closed her eyes on her mistake and after a loud sigh replied, “yes, ASD.”

“What did they do?”

“Well, on my very first day, I had contact with a dog and I was scared out of my mind. I don’t know why, I was almost comfortable with a dog being near me in the same building, but I heard him, I saw him, and I jumped out of my skin. Thae scolded me for hurting his dog, but other members calmed him down. I was crying because of the fear and the humiliation when…” Nivritti suddenly stopped talking and tilted her head. Her mouth fell open when she realised that it was not Jae who first stood by her side, it was Kyung-Soo.

“What, Nivritti?”

“I know I should not lie to you or hide anything, but I don’t know how to say this,” sighed Nivritti.

“Then take your time, we are not in a hurry. You have done a lot of therapy, you know that whatever you say, I am never repeating it to anyone,” assured Hei-Ran and tapped Nivritti’s shoulder again.

“I told you that Jae was the first stranger who stood by my side. But I just realised that it was Kyung-Soo,” replied Nivritti.

“The leader of ASD?”

“Yes.”

“What did he do?”

“He came to console me when I was crying, hiding in a stairwell. He assured me that the dog was fine, and I should stop crying,” replied Nivritti.

“And?”

“And, what?”

“You are not telling me something,” said Hei-Ran.

Nivritti bit the inside of her lower lips and looked at Hei-Ran. She then closed her eyes and with clenched fists blurted out, “we kissed in that stairwell.”

“Okay! And what was your reaction after that?”

“After he kissed me, I ran away from him,” replied Nivritti.

“He… kissed?” commented Hei-Ran.

“What?”

“Just a sentence ago you said that we kissed and now you are saying, he kissed. What did he do wrong?” asked Hei-Ran.

“Well, he kissed me without permission,” replied Nivritti.

“But you remember it as ‘we kissed’,” emphasised Hei-Ran.

“Okay, fine, he initiated the kiss, but I don’t know why, I too kissed him back. It was just in the moment thing, I didn’t mean to,” replied Nivritti.

“And why is that?”

“Because he is younger than me,” replied Nivritti angrily.

“And you don’t want history to repeat itself,” Hei-ran finished her thoughts.

“Yes,” Nivritti ground her teeth.

“So, you are against a relationship or a relationship with someone younger than you?” asked Hei-Ran.

“I don’t know. Maybe relationships in general,” replied Nivritti.

“And you have seen King in your dreams, haven’t you?” asked Hei-Ran.

.....

“Wha…” Nivritti scoffed with shock. “Okay, you are good. Yes, my nightmare started with Kyung-Soo and then he shifted into Ritvik.”

“Okay, new country, new job, a stranger takes your side and then kisses you, but you know he is younger than you. I think you are fixated on Ritvik’s age. You think he did all that because he was immature. And then you projected his hatred on Kyung-Soo even though you kissed him back. And that triggered your nightmare. Now tell me, do you hate Kyung-Soo too?” asked Hei-Ran.

“What, no. He has somehow become a good friend,” replied Nivritti.

“But you are afraid to get close to him,” commented Hei-Ran.

“I am just being careful, Doc,” said Nivritti with a loud exhale.

“No,” Hei-Ran flat out protested Nivritti. “You are not being careful, you are forcing yourself to not trust anyone.”

“If I didn’t trust him, why would I tell him everything about my life?” said Nivritti.

“You… you told him about your life? Everything? Ritvik, heartbreak, pregnancy, depression?” asked Hei-ran, shocked.

“Yes.”

Hei-Ran folded her arms over her chest and stared into Nivritti’s eyes, “and under what circumstances did you tell him that? Under your own volition?”

Nivritti knew she could reply to her doctor and Hei-Ran was too smart to be fooled. “Well, he figured out that I had a past, and that past had something to do with a boyfriend who was younger than me, that’s why I was hung on the age. So, one night he sat inside my house in protest and demanded my life story. So, yeah, I told him everything because he threatened me.”

“No, you told him everything because you wanted to,” smiled Hei-Ran.

“What?” asked Nivritti, shocked.