To Kiss An Idol

My mouth and my throat were dry, and I kept gulping. I was breathing heavily.

“Ritz!” he whispered.

“Hmm...”

“I am going to kiss you,” he whispered again.

My eyes widened, I stopped blinking. I gasped but said nothing. I had no idea what to say. Maybe I too was ready to kiss him. “Okay!” I spoke.

Softly he lowered his lips and placed them on mine. A gasp escaped my mouth. I was being kissed for the very first time. I had no idea what to expect. But he was kissing me tenderly. His soft lips on mine stirred emotions in my heart. His hands moved to my hair and pulled them to gain more access. Slowly he moved his tongue inside and the feeling was out of the world.

I had no idea that this would be the moment I would get my first kiss. I would get kissed by my friend, my friend whom I rejected the very first day. I won’t go into much detail but slowly our kiss grew into something more. I made love for the first time in my life.

I slept like a baby in his arms. The next morning when I opened my eyes he was already out of the bed. I wore my clothes and went to look for him. He was in the shower. I smiled at what happened last night. He was so patient, so tender with me. I was falling for him even more.

.....

While he was taking shower, I prepared tea and toast for him. I didn’t hear when he came out, but I was startled when he hugged my back in the kitchen.

“Good morning!” he greeted.

“Good morning,” my voice croaked.

He turned me around and made me look into his eyes. “Are you alright? You are not mad about what happened between us?” he asked carefully.

“No, Vik, I am not mad,” I assured him.

“Are you in pain?” he asked.

“No.”

“Liar!” he teased.

“A little!” I answered.

“You should rest today. Don’t go to the office. I will see you in the evening. I have to run. Today is an important meeting,” he explained, grabbed a toast, and ran from my apartment.

I realised that he was right. I should rest so I took a sick leave that day. I was in my bed watching videos on my phone when I realised that we made love without a condom. The earth slipped from under my feet. What if I get pregnant? I knew that getting pregnant after the very first time would be a miracle, but miracles do happen. I was not ready to be a mother and a child without wedlock is still frowned upon in India. How would I face societal pressure? What would my parents say?

The whole day I was stressing over my future pregnancy. I didn’t eat, I didn’t drink. My heart was ready to jump out of my chest. In the evening my doorbell rang. I ran to open the door as I knew it was Vik. I had to discuss everything with him.

The moment I opened the door he sensed that something was off. He could read my face.

“I knew you would be mad. I am sorry, that will never happen again,” he immediately apologised.

“Yes, I am angry. I am angry that we didn’t use a condom. What if... what if?” I could not complete my sentence.

“Oh that,” he replied casually. “I know about that, that’s why I brought you this.” He reached into his bag and took out a packet of morning-after-pill.

In that moment I was relieved that he thought about me. But now when I think back, I realise that he again thought about himself. He never asked if I wanted the morning-after pill, he never asked if I wanted to get pregnant, he just assumed that he would bring me a pill and I would just take it without questions.

But at that time, I was happy to take the pill. I was not ready to be a mom. We just had sex. We never discussed about our future, our life. We had so much to discuss, like if we even wanted to date each other.

I immediately ran to the kitchen took out a glass of water and drowned the pill in an instant. That night too he stayed with me but slept on the couch. He started sleeping in my apartment after that. Police were actively trying to capture the burglars and Vik was keeping me safe.

For the whole week, he slept in my apartment, took a bath in my apartment and we would leave together for the office. But we never had sex. His presence alone would make me sleep well. I never had a nightmare after that.

The weekend arrived and the news went viral that the police apprehended the culprits in burglaries. My whole neighbourhood sighed with relief. There were happy faces all over. Now there was no need for Vik to stay at my house.

That Saturday we planned a movie night and Chinese food. He would then return to his apartment and take his bags with him. Now I was safe, I won’t need him to keep me safe.

We ordered Chinese and ate while giggling and laughing at each other’s stories. I both loved action movies so we chose an overtop action flick and started watching the movie on my laptop. We were sitting next to each other on my couch.

By the middle of the movie, I found him staring at me instead of watching the movie.

“What? Don’t you like this one? If you want, I can change it,” I offered.

“No, that’s not it,” he replied.

“Do you want something, Vik?” I asked.

“You!” he replied.

“What?” I gasped.

Without wasting a single moment, he grabbed my waist and pulled me closer. He smashed his lips on mine and started sucking my lips voraciously. It was as if he was hungry for me. He didn’t wait for a thing and slipped his hands under my t-shirt.

I don’t know how but I was out of my clothes within seconds as well him. But I stopped him, “do you have a condom?”

He flashed a devilish smile and said, “Don’t be angry. But the day I bought the pill, I also bought condoms for us. I had hoped that I could make love to you again.”

I lowered my eyes due to shyness, but he started kissing me again. The movie kept playing on the laptop and we made love on the couch and then shifted to my bed. That night he didn’t let me sleep. Well, we both didn’t let each other sleep. The fire of carnal desire was burning hot in both of us.

Now we had no fear of getting pregnant. That night he asked me to date him and I said yes. We both were over the moon.

The plan of him moving out permanently was cancelled after that. Not only Saturday evening but we kept making love the whole Sunday. We would eat and drink and then after resting would jump each other’s bones. We were naked the whole day. We didn’t want to waste time taking off each other’s clothes.

Instead of him taking his bag away, he started bringing more and more things to my home. It was as if we started living together even without discussing it. He never asked me, I never told him but somehow, his things were in my apartment. His brush was in my bathroom, his clothes were in my wardrobe.

The honeymoon period was bliss. We were happy, we were content, we were fun, we were playful. I was completely in love with him. I started planning my future with him. All I had to do was find out what his plan is for the future.

Almost after six to seven months of living together, we were watching a movie on the laptop when I tried talking to him.

“Vik!”

“Hmm,” he replied with his eyes glued to the laptop.

“What is your one wish for the future?”

He looked at me and smiled. “Ritz, I never told this to anyone, but I have an idea for a book. I want to be a writer. That is my one dream. Would you read it if I write a book?” he asked.

My face fell. I was slightly disappointed but was happy that he had a dream and he wanted me to be a part of it.

“Of course, Vik,” I replied. “It means that I am in your future.”

“Hey! Of course, you are in my future. Why won’t you be in my future? I love you,” he answered.

That was enough for me at that time. I was in his future, what else I could ask for? He took care of me, helped with household chores, was independent, responsible, a perfect gentleman. I would later realise that everything he did was manipulation and gaslighting.